In a very belated attempt to find a resolution for the year (so typical of me - always late for everything), I have dug up an old theme which has manifested itself in various forms over the years.
Sometimes I have called it a Simple Life (no relation to the TV show), at other times it has been a Quiet Life, but I believe a Worry-Free Life best describes it.
Let me define Worry before too many brickbats get thrown. To me, Worry is thinking about the bad stuff that might happen, not doing anything about it, and continuing to think about the bad stuff.
For me, bad stuff ought to be thought about, but just once, to see if anything can be done. If yes, then do it. If not, or if what can be done requires too much sacrifice (as in more than what I would lose to the bad stuff), then prepare to minimise its effects and take it when it comes. In the former case, once action is taken, no need to worry - what can be done has been done. In the latter case, same thing. And it's a matter of whether you can say in good conscience that you have tried your best. No last scenes from Schindler's List (where Oscar Schindler laments that if he had sold his car, he could have saved a few more [Jews]) for me. I've done what I could, or thought I could at the time, and I will take whatever comes as a result.
So, as the song goes, don't worry, be happy.
What are the things people worry about? Money, social status, job satisfaction, relationships, family. I've left out things like job security and providing for the family because they all go back to money.
Money - I've got enough to spend. I know what I would spend on if I got more money (a theatre company), but it would take a lot of money and it's not so important to me that I devote my life to getting it. Besides, there are corporate sponsors for that sort of thing. As for spending on potential others - I'll take on extra work if I need to, but that's not something to worry about now.
Social status - Reclusive ol' me? Ha. I'm happy with the small circle of friends I have. And even then they might complain I don't talk to them much. Heck, I don't even blog that often. Besides, if I really wanted to I could go back to teaching and get the adulation of youngsters who don't know any better, but that's not what I signed up for.
Job satisfaction - Starting to get some variety in job satisfaction, but still hungry for a wider range of experience. Still, I seem to be headed in the right direction overall. I just hope I can overcome the prejudice against older people when I eventually move on. If not, there's always teaching :P
Relationships - Not too successful so far, but not worried either, especially since an ego-boosting incident while being Chief Presiding Examiner last year. As someone commented, "Got house got car where got scared no girlfriend?" We're all shallow like that (me included). Only question is whether I'm willing to let someone get so close to me again.
Family - For those in the know, my mom's situation is advancing slowly. The doctor says it's normal, and that it's quite a good (slow) pace so far. The interesting thing was that his first question to my mom (after "how are you?") was "Are you happy?" which for me is the most important thing right now (for her). And I think she is. She'd better be, with what the rest of the family's doing to keep everyone's spirits up. And dad's finally playing golf again and he's much better for it so nothing to worry about there either.
In summary, nothing to worry about. All accounted for. And that's the way my life will be. And I'll be damned if I let anyone take that away from me.
OK enough about my personal report. Will gripe about my people and my country when I can be bothered with them again. Which I expect will be soon since elections should be just round the corner.
And someday I will look back on all this and smile. (I'd laugh but my false teeth would fall out).
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Perspectives
Just came back from reservist, or compulsory military service. Good experience, because I got to meet everyone again. And it's amazing the diversity you find among them. They're people from all walks of life, all finding their own meaning and purpose from the myriad of choices they face each day. Choices we all face.
I'm glad to see them because it helps me to see my life in perspective. They, or rather we, are Singapore. The scientist, the manager, the air steward, the car salesman, the property agent, the nightclub owner, the professional MC-cum-DJ, all come together and put aside their differences for two weeks and just enjoy each other's company (not in the Brokeback Mountain kind of way). I see people moving up, and/or moving on, and I think to myself, my life's not too bad.
Some of the guys have kids already, and they were chatting quite eagerly about their little ones. One of them even invited everyone to his son's birthday party on the weekend in the middle of our reservist stint. Got me thinking of getting a kid of my own. Someday.
The other thing about reservist is that it really marks the passage of time. I just got my 5-year Good Service Medal (for not screwing up any during the past 5 years), and for some of the guys, it was their last High-Key ICT, so it was a tearful farewell to them too (yes guys do cry, and yes it was quite manly). In a few years time I will have to take a medical just to see if I'm fit for military duty. Such cruel reminders of age :P
But overall the past few years have been good. I've learnt a lot from people close to me, sometimes more than I care to admit. And I find that I'm a lot more open to learning these days. I've seen my dark side come out as well, which I had always known existed and had tried my best to control and subjugate. I haven't broken the law yet (except for a minor traffic violation) so things are still all right, but I don't think I'm the same guy as, say, five years ago.
Anyway the point is that I'm starting to take life with some measure of equanimity again. They say that still waters run deep. Now peace is returning to the depths. Not because of reservist, but it has given me the time to reflect on things, and so helped me mark another stage in my life.
I'm glad to see them because it helps me to see my life in perspective. They, or rather we, are Singapore. The scientist, the manager, the air steward, the car salesman, the property agent, the nightclub owner, the professional MC-cum-DJ, all come together and put aside their differences for two weeks and just enjoy each other's company (not in the Brokeback Mountain kind of way). I see people moving up, and/or moving on, and I think to myself, my life's not too bad.
Some of the guys have kids already, and they were chatting quite eagerly about their little ones. One of them even invited everyone to his son's birthday party on the weekend in the middle of our reservist stint. Got me thinking of getting a kid of my own. Someday.
The other thing about reservist is that it really marks the passage of time. I just got my 5-year Good Service Medal (for not screwing up any during the past 5 years), and for some of the guys, it was their last High-Key ICT, so it was a tearful farewell to them too (yes guys do cry, and yes it was quite manly). In a few years time I will have to take a medical just to see if I'm fit for military duty. Such cruel reminders of age :P
But overall the past few years have been good. I've learnt a lot from people close to me, sometimes more than I care to admit. And I find that I'm a lot more open to learning these days. I've seen my dark side come out as well, which I had always known existed and had tried my best to control and subjugate. I haven't broken the law yet (except for a minor traffic violation) so things are still all right, but I don't think I'm the same guy as, say, five years ago.
Anyway the point is that I'm starting to take life with some measure of equanimity again. They say that still waters run deep. Now peace is returning to the depths. Not because of reservist, but it has given me the time to reflect on things, and so helped me mark another stage in my life.
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