I am currently suffering from a bout of misanthropy which I hope will clear up within the week. Among the triggering conditions are:
1. Stupid students. They will sit in a room with the airconditioner off and not think to a) look for the missing remote control, b) go to the general office where there is most likely to be a spare remote, or c) open the windows. This will last until the teacher enters the classroom and complains about the stifling heat and stale air (which they all nod in agreement to).
2. Inconsiderate drivers. They do not signal when changing lanes, forcing me to brake for them. They do not signal before turning, causing me to pull up behind them and have to wait. They travel at 70km/h in the rightmost lane of the expressway when the speed limit is 90, and everyone else is overtaking them on the left. Especially those who are a combination of the above, where they suddenly and without signalling cut into your lane, the rightmost one on the expressway, and then proceed slowly with a clear stretch of road in front of them for several hundred metres.
2b. Drivers who do illegal things like stop inside a yellow box when it is OBVIOUS that there is NO SPACE just beyond it because the car in front IS ALREADY JUTTING OUT SLIGHTLY INTO THE BOX WHILE STATIONARY. I am thinking of carrying stones in my car to throw at such people. And no I have not been guilty of that particular crime. Yet.
3. Lack of intellectual stimulation. I have not had anything grab my imagination and fancy in a while. I have not had the chance to play with ideas. I have had to come up with ideas on how to make someone else's vision a reality. It is not my vision and while I may have had similar thoughts had I stopped to consider it, I have not had the time to think in that direction. Therefore I do not own it and have no stake in it. I do it because I do not feel in a position to refuse it.
4. Teaching. They are not my children, and if they don't want to turn up on time in school it's not my problem. I shouldn't have to coax and cajole and talk sense into them so they learn the virtue of being punctual (at least for formal and official occasions). I shouldn't even have to scold them. But I do anyway, because I'm a teacher, and teachers are supposed to care, and because their parents don't do it. It sucks to be a teacher and have to care. Everywhere else you can screw people over and nobody in upper management gives a shit as long as it's not your own company you're screwing. At least that's what I think.
Why I Am Hopeful Of Recovering
1. I have had a few good games of chess in school and on the internet in the past month.
2. I have friends who still invite me to join them for stuff, though in my current state I doubt I'm very good company (which makes me appreciate them all the more).
3. I am aware of the condition and am able to will myself to recover.
But first I need to get the hate out of my system.
Where is the love?
3 comments:
Addendum to 1. Stupid students.
They also quietly sit in a classroom without the lights on, and it's the teacher, upon entering and muttering something about them dwelling in darkness, who has to switch on the lights. One of these days, I'm going to say screw it and just leave the bloody lights off.
And a hearty AMEN! to 4. Teaching.
Perhaps we need to sit down and talk about this. Planning an exit strategy eases the mind (and misanthropy) greatly.
the love is where they cannot find you nor get you and you are just yourself, enjoying whatever makes your clock tick.
Boko,
Stupid Students will also sit facing the back wall if for some strange reason, the desks are turned in that direction. There's no board, no teacher's table, nothing. Just the blank wall. And they just sit there at stare at the blank wall. It's probably because the blank wall is familiar furniture in their mental landscape. It must be what their mind looks like.
YM,
The exit strategy sounds good. Unfortunately, if we exit now, all that bonus just got will go back to government coffers.
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